Monday, 19 March 2007

The Love of God

Yes, amazing grace that saved my soul and placed me where God's blessings, love and mercy has been poured upon me like a raging river, cut loose from the floodgate of Heaven. This post is made in honour of the Lord and His divine mercy and workings in my life.

Perhaps it is proper to put in a bit of background story for those who do not know me well. The year was 2005, and it was around this time of that year that I received my SPM (O-Level for non-Malaysian readers) results. I can still remember that as I opened the results slip, incredulity and anger started to well up within me. I had only managed 11A1s (besides the A1 for the GCE 'O' Level English Paper, 1119) and... of all things, a B3 in EST (English For Science And Technology). In that very moment, my expectations were completely shattered. EST was, in my opinion, a piece of cake, something I could pass even if I had been blindfolded and had my right hand tied behind my back. I immediately appealed for a remarking for that paper, but my head was swimming. In a part of my mind, I guess that I started to question God and wanted to know just WHY did He did this to me.

A few months later, I attended an interview for a JPA (Public Service Department) scholarship that would help me study as a doctor. Perhaps my results, which still stood after the Ministry of Education informed me that the original grading of my EST paper was staying, made my application fall through the cracks. On top of that, being a 'banana' (in Chinese context, a Chinese that is poor in Mandarin and other dialects but good in English, therefore being 'yellow outside and white inside'), I was not informed till much later that the MCA (the main Chinese political party) were helping students with 10 As and above to appeal to the JPA for scholarships.
After much deliberation, I decided to enter Form 6 at my original school, Highschool Batu Pahat. I thought that it wasn't so bad, since a fair number of my friends were going to enter Form 6 as well. For the uninformed, it is not that Form 6 per se is a second-rate way to get into the universities, it is just a route not often taken. At the end of Upper 6, students face the STPM examinations, which is roughly equivalent to the A-Level examinations. HOWEVER, it is much more than just another exam. Its previous 'version', the High School Certificate (HSC) was once one of the top three most DIFFICULT examinations in the world. As far as I know, it has become ever so slightly easier, but it is still fearsome, so much so that students go into universities after SPM to avoid it, thus setting the 'leaving after Form 5' trend.

As the months passed, God began to show me His purpose in giving me those results. I matured, learning to depend more on grace, rather than self, learning to see things in different ways, and to deal with matters concerning other people, due to certain friendship problems with some people around me. Then, God showed His Hand. Just last week, I received a straight A result for my STPM, a result truly heaven-sent. Ask any family member of mine, and they will tell you that I am quite lazy where studying is concerned, as I use most f my time on the computer and books, science fiction and fantasy books that is. It is through pure grace and mercy that I have got this far, and I know that if God hadn't been there, I would most certainly have been derailed right from the start. Through it all, the pain and anguish, God has been there comforting me, and at the end, I look back and thank Him for His perfect timing and plan for me.

Permit me to finish this post with a verse from one of my favorite hymns, one less well known then Amazing Grace, but full of meaning and emotion:

The Love Of God

Could we with ink the ocean fill
And were the skies of parchment made
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky

O love of God how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong
It shall forevermore endure
The saints and angels song

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