First Thoughts about Clinical Years

Yeap, it's the 7th week in my first posting for my clinical years. Mixed feelings here. No doubt, medicine IS fun, and it makes you feel proud when you can correctly diagnose and think of the management needed to make your patients all well and able to go home. But that again, what ever possessed me to take a course that is so taxing on the brain? T.T My gray matter is gonna have hyperthermia and necrose all over, and I'll probably end up in the hospital myself... Opps, right. I already am. Anyway, thoughts about clinical life in the first 6 weeks, simplified as much as possible:

Week 1

Oh yeah!!!!! Gonna clerk patients, gonna clerk patients, gonna clerk patients... (Yells) WOOIIIIII!!!! Got clubbing leh!!!!!!! And can you get a load out of this murmur here!?!?!?! AWESOME!!!!

Week 2

Wooooot!!!! Alrighty then, let's look around, look for someone whom I can use for my case write-up (due on the 5th week, mind you!) Ah yes! Atrial fibrillation, with all the gadgets and gizmos, perfect for discussion purposes! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA....

Week 3

Well.... Supervisor handed our livers to us on a platter.... But nevermind... I'll just try to do my best today, clerk one patient, do at least 1 short case today... Come on, I can do it!!!! ....I think

Week 4

Oh yeah, case write-up due next week... Eh? NEXT WEEK? Darn, haven't finished it yet! Sigh, alright, clerking patients is enough, gotta try to finish this case write-up first (as if I really wanted to clerk anyway...)

Week 5

Right, handed in the case write-up, after trouble getting it printed. guess I'll try and take it easy... Do my job and it's back to hit the sack....

Week 6

..... Are all these morning sessions really necessary? Have to wake up at 7 and trudge all the way there to sleep... And what's with all those specialists coming for the MO's ward rounds? They don't teach, and they being there effectively zips his mouth! Sigh, nevermind... Just go and look for a worthy case to do, or else it's nap time...

..... Yeah, I know....Kinda got lazier, right? Oh well, that's clinical life for you... But don't worry, I do what I'm supposed to do... Mostly...

Anyway, finished my observed long case with an amazing professor, WOOT! Going for my Hawaii vacation, er, I mean JKM posting in 23 weeks time. See ya there!

The Climb

Lol... Not bad. She can come up with really inspiring songs:) Love the meaning behind the words.

The Climb - Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

Remember, it's not the reaching the end that counts, it's how you get there, and who you lean on to help you reach the finish line. Even if you fall, know that you can pick yourself up, cos' He will never fall. :) Cheers people, and run the race!

New Chapter

Phew! As I'm typing I am sitting here in a cube reachable only by 5 LONGGGGG flights of stairs, located in the heart of Hospital Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, Cheras. Yes, my friends, this isthe official (promised!) first post from my life as a third year medical student of PPUKM (Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia's Medical Centre). And to give you a feel for the new digs..

So as you can see, small but cozy, though mosquitoes are known to plague the unfortunate tenant, and hence the presence of a very handy mosquito repellent (though with a questionable amount of repellent liquid left) handed down by the previous victim of said attacks. Other than that and some very shoddy workmanship with regards to the bed, it's..... well, small and cozy.

That being said, it's now time to rant about the connection here. Seems like the wifi provided courtesy of JARING is user-based, which means you need to register, which means you need to give them what the bomohs would call 'pengeras' AKA money (perhaps the spirits need solidifying?), and which finally means, as Phua Chu Kang would say: 'No money no talk!'

And so as the reps placate us with promises that they are doing something for us (' Kitorang dah beritau kat Bangi, tapi mungkin proses ini lama sikit, mungkin Jun boleh siap kot' - Translated: The main campus is imformed, but don't expect anything till June, so buzz off!), we are left with the trusty LAN cable (also the legacy of my kind predecessor... whoever he was) to supply my online needs. Well, they block off everything including Youtube and leave Facebook and Blogger, so what do you know... Guess that's the lot of the KTDI in-hostel student. Oh well, at least I can get to go online in between enduring orientation and sleeping, since I discovered this blasted cable thingy actually works. Now for my next project...

Darn, did I just remember that I will be spirited away to Besut on Monday? :( Oh well. Another week of Internet silence it is then. Sigh.

Return

Yes, finally, I return. As I enter into a new academic year, and into new, uncharted territory, I thought really seriously about reviving my blog. Yes, reviving, not just temporary a la Pheonix Down reviving but the real deal. As I continue studying medicine, I think that this blog can also function as a way to make studying more light and hopefully more interesting.

To tell the truth, Symeon gave me the idea way back when he was in Batu Pahat, telling me exactly why his blog has such a funny name: sckhsmg. Apparently the first 4 initials are his name (duh!) and the last 3 stand for... err..... well, something to do with School of Medicine for Dummies (Alright, maybe not, but that's what it is now, too bad!). So what he did was to publish cases he encountered on his blog, leaving out sensitive material so that friends can view them and comment. Not too bad an idea if you ask me.

So, hopefully this post marks an era of new sights and sounds, new beginnings, and of course, new impetus to actually sit down and write something down for a change. Hehehe. So, adios for now, and keep your fingers crossed!

Feelings

What are feelings? Ever felt like asking that question? Medically and scientifically, it is controlled by a part of the brain that is the most underdeveloped, and maybe that accounts for why we have the least control over it. Yeah, but what are feelings?

Well, feelings are like dreams. Who has ever heard of life without dreams? Dreams keep you sane, dreams tell you things that are about to happen (I get those often, the so-called deja vu), dreams, sometimes, for people gifted with prophecy by God, tell them what God wants them tell others. And then there is the other type of dreams, the dreams that drive you, the ambition that directs your acions and which you work hard for.

Do you know the true meaning behind your dreams? Sure, sleep researchers or even old wives tales say that dreams tell you if you're stressed, you're tired or you're scared, but I don't think dreams do just that, right? Dreams are so vivid, so detailed, so... ALIVE. And what about dreams of ambition? Easily explained? Well, you dream to become somebody, but why? because you want to have that wealth or respect? Why again? Because people around you do the same? Or is it because you want to leap-frog over them in that aspect? Alright, easier question: would you be satisfied after you get that? And will you really be content that you became what you become? Some would say yes, some would say no, and others... won't know.

And that is what feelings are, or really, in essence. Feelings are so unreliable in life, they cloud up the things you see, and even for the things you do see, they are distorted. But that again, feelings also keep you the way you are. True, feelings alone make a mess out of things, but solid logic and reasoning without feelings in the form of values and moral ideas (they ARE intwined and part of each other, if you bother to acknowledge it) make a man a monster capable of anything. Feelings give a context of their own to a puzzle, to a situation, to perception, and in the end, that, coupled with other things, gives you what you need to act, to feel, and finally, to care.

But then, why do feelings cause you to be hurt? Maybe it's because feelings also cause you to be happy, to feel like you belong, to feel like you have meaning in this world, to make you feel stronger than you have never been before, to make the world seem such a bright and lovely place. Maybe that is why, like our dreams, we hold on dearly to our feelings, because in the end, we know that these feelings are part of us, and it has made us into what we have become. but beware of its trap, lest it cripple you and disable you forever. But if you know in your heart that what you feel is real, and there is no way you can let it go willingly, maybe it is best to hold it close, always hoping, always searching and forever watching that horizon for what you believe in.

Man, I didn't know I could be that emo. LOLZ. Well, lessons are learnt, and maybe that will be what leads you in the future. That and feelings, I suppose. =>